The Quest for the Best: Essie Reds

Well it’s official. have collected enough Essie reds that it is time to find the perfect one that suits my skin tone! 

All of these reds look alike! But only one is perfect.

The quest for the perfect red begins, and if you’re following me on Insta, you’ll see I made a unique hashtag called #BestRedQuest

Comparison Swatch of my Essie reds


Say good bye to catching toads with dirty fingernails, because this is Essie Tomboy No More


First up is Essie Tomboy No More a deep red crelly I #FoundOnSale for $6.99 at a beauty supply store in Park Slope, Brooklyn called Max Beauty. I had never heard of it before, and if I haven’t heard of it, it’s probably old. That means it may be HTF. 

Who’s your daddy? This one. Essie Pouf Daddy (sometimes labeled Pop Daddy)

At the same store for the same discount (yay!) I found Essie Pop Daddy–which according to my Internet searches might just be a mislabeled Pouf Daddy (Winter 2005). Daddy is a fire engine red jelly that is opaque in two coats. Veeeery similar to Essie Jelly Apple.

Maybe you picture fashion, but I always imagine a pair of figure skaters wearing fuzzy red sweaters when I see the name Essie Twin Sweater Set

Red-y for anything over here! Essie Twin Sweater Set (Fall 2013 For the Twill of It collection) is a vibrant crimson creme that isn’t too warm or cool-leaning. No topcoat here but plenty of shine!


If you are a Scottish spy wear this so you can be Dress to Kilt!

Deep, inviting and enticing! Essie Dress to Kilt (Fall 2014 Dress to Kilt collection) is the namesake for a reason! Two smooth coats to become opaque, and this glossy creme is perfect any time you want a cooler red. 

Santa Baby, this holiday red will get you in thre mood if you read the name as an invitation! Essie Jump In My Jumpsuit

The #BestRedQuest is drawing to a close. Have you selected your favorite? Essie Jump in My Jumpsuit (Winter 2014 Jiggle Hi Jiggle Lo collection) is a cool-red creme popping up at all the TJ Maxx stores in NYC lately for only $3.99, so it’s a great time to score a recent beauty! Two easy coats and no top coat. So shiny! 

Sorry guys but according to Essie Size Matters

Last of the Essie reds in my stash: Essie Size Matters (Winter 2011 Cocktail Bling collection) is a hot ruby creme shown here in two coats, but a third one would make it even richer. Perfect for seducing a spy! Hey the name has the innuendo; I can’t help but use a sultry voice!

My pick? Twin Sweater Set when I want to be noticed, Dress to Kilt when I want to rock a classic. But those jellies are so amazing! Luckily I own them all so I can pick based on my mood. 

What about you? Did you pick what I did? Let me know in the comments!


About Abbi Crutchfield

Abbi Crutchfield is a comedian and host of You Can Do Better on truTV. She has been featured on NBC, VH1, CollegeHumor and in national commercials. She is a contributor to Someecards, and her jokes are listed among the Best Tweets of the Year by Huffington Post Comedy. She is a UCB alum and produces the popular stand-up hour The Living Room Show weekly in Brooklyn.
This entry was posted in Reviews, Swatch What You're Doing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s